seven
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School's only been out for ten minutes and already the building's completely deserted. I head to the locker room and get changed into a t-shirt and shorts, but as I walk into the gym I see Nishikado standing at the other end. So I head back to the changing room and switch my shorts for a pair of sweat pants. Then I wander over and ask him what the hell he's doing here. "Didn't you finish the run?" We're not in the same class, but I figure we're all following the same curriculum. "Nah, I finished it," he says. "But she takes it kinda personal when you call her a fucking cunt." I give him a sneer. "What are you, retarded?" "It wasn't to her face. She just has really good hearing." I sit down on a bench against the wall while I wait for Clugs, and Nishi sits down next to me. I'm literally amazed at how often he's managed to look at my tits, considering we've only been talking for thirty seconds. "Doesn't it seem weird to you at all, looking at me like that?" "Looking like what?" he asks, glancing at my eyes. "We've been in school together since the first grade, and you never thought I was attractive then, right? I mean, you aren't sexually aroused by little kids, are you?" He looks at my eyes again. "What's your point?" "Doesn't that memory of me ever come to mind? How can you be so lecherous with someone you knew as a kid? Doesn't that creep you out?" He looks down at my tits, then up at my face and says, "No. What are you talking about?" "I dunno." I look away. "I know every time I see you I remember you running around with your dick hanging out in the fifth grade." "So what? I was a kid." "Fifth grade! You knew better than that." He smiles. "I don't see you having any issues with drooling at the sight of Kirsten's ass." "I didn't even know Kirsten in elementary school!" "Grade seven is still pretty damn pre-pubescent," he says, and I pause, realizing that what I just said could be construed as an admission. "And what the hell do you mean by that?" I ask him. "I don't drool over Kirsten. We're just friends." He rolls his eyes. "Whatever. You so want to fuck her. You get all pissed when anyone gets too close to your little personal poontang girl." "Hey, fuck off! Show some respect! What, are you so jealous that I don't want to touch your tiny cock that you have to accuse me of being a lesbian?" He raises an eyebrow. "No... I'm calling you a lesbian because you are a lesbian." "Fuck you." I give him a slap on the face, not hard enough to hurt but enough to surprise him. "And stop staring at my tits." He crosses his arms with a slight frown and looks away. "Dyke." "Asshole." We sit in silence for a minute before he asks no one in particular, "Where the fuck is that bitch?" "Hey," I ask him. "Tell me the truth; the real reason you're bringing up this dyke shit is wishful thinking, right? I mean, that's what you think about when you masturbate, isn't it?" "What, the two of you licking each other's twats? Hardly." He stares across the gym and grins as he says, "More like the two of you going down on me at the same time." I stare at him, at a loss for words. "You really do that?" I finally ask. He sighs. "I get real tired of your attitude sometimes. I'm a fucking guy, of course I think about chicks while I jerk off. You always make it sound like some kind of reprehensible act." "It is the way you talk about it. I'm sure there's some honor in the way other guys masturbate, but with you it's just fucking... gratuitous." I look at him for a moment. "So, how many times?" "How many times have I masturbated?" "How many times have you thought about us?" "I don't know..." He looks up at the ceiling and smirks. "Five thousand times." I give him a look of disgust and turn away. "I'm just picking a number out of the air, it's not like I keep count. But we'll say five thousand for the two of you, four thousand for just Kirsten, and probably seven or eight thousand for you and me going to work." I turn slowly back and watch his face. "You think of me more than Kirsten?" He shrugs. "Sure. Don't sell yourself short, you're a pretty hot slut." "Alright, girls!" I hear Clugston yell as she comes across the gym, and Nishi shudders a little at the sound of her voice. "I hope you took this time to stretch, 'cause you've got a twenty minute run starting right now." Stretching. I knew I forgot something. The running actually isn't too bad at first. Nishi keeps staring at my bouncing-even-in-a-sports-bra tits until I slug him in the arm as hard as I can. "Good one!" Clugston calls from behind us. "Give him another one for me!" He rubs his arm and speeds up, then makes a big show of lapping me a couple of times, but it isn't long before we're both too tired for that sort of shit. At least he stays about half a lap ahead of me so I can mostly forget he's here. My left side starts to cramp a few minutes in, but there's nothing I can do besides run through it. "You're running a little slow there, Shurman," Clugs yells at me, and that gives me a place to start. The easiest way to run through pain is not to think about it, to try to let your mind wander, so if I have to focus on something it might as well be my horrible name. Some people have really nice names, they roll off the tongue, it sounds good just to say them. Not mine. Clover Shurman. It's not like a nice gradual wave, or a logical connection between first name and last, it's more like a full stop and ninety degree turn between words. Clover. Shurman. Bleh. I wonder what Clugston's first name is? I can't imagine her having a good sounding name. Kirsten's last name is McCoy, which isn't one of the best last names on the earth, but it works for her. Kirsten McCoy. Easy to say. That'd be a name I'd be happy with. Clover McCoy. A lot better than Kirsten Shurman. That's just terrible. I don't think Shurman works for anybody. I have the last name of death. "Hey Shurman, wake up!" I whip my head around. What does that bitch want now? "Focus!" she yells. "You're drifting off! I want you to feel it!" Jesus, now she's even getting in the way of my running-zen. At least the cramp is going away; it's still really sore, but without the stabbing pain... I really should have stretched. Fuck. When we finally finish I'm completely worn out, and Clugs lines me and Nishi up while we pant and wipe sweat from ourselves. "Now," she says, giving Nishikado's face a quick tap with the back of her hand. "I don't want to hear any more language from you, understand?" Still catching his breath, he says, "Yes ma'am." She moves on to me. "No lip from you either. And tell your little partner she got off easy. You're both dismissed." As we walk across the gym Nishi asks, "Partner? You covered for Kirsten?" When I don't answer he chuckles to himself and mutters, "Lesbian." I'm more than happy to turn away from him and go to the girls changing room, and when I get there I kneel down next to my gym bag, finding that I don't know if I can stand up. My legs are really wobbly, so I stay there, resting. While I wait I reach into one of the gym bag's side pockets and pull out a photograph. I don't even know why I have this with me, it's not something I could ever let anyone see. It's a picture of Kirsten I took while she was asleep, lying on her back with an arm slung up behind her head. I only took this one picture because I was afraid the sound of the camera would wake her up, but it couldn't be more perfect. Her face is completely tranquil, beautiful, and her nipples are sticking up through the white shirt she's wearing... nipples, they're just nipples, there's no reason why I should care about them... But they seem like an important part of this picture. In it's own way, her body carries the same importance to me as what goes on behind her eyes, her breasts and her brain carry different aspects of a single weight that's always dragging me down. This is the real problem, not just that I'm in love with her. I mean, that's basically what friendship is, right? It's like a minor form of being in love with someone, but it's when you start to desire them, when you want their body as much as their mind, that's when things have gone to a different level. And when I look at this picture I know that I want her, I want every part of her, I can't even be bothered denying it anymore. I'm completely exhausted and smell terrible – I put back the picture and pull off my clothes, wandering into the shower in a kind of daze. The hot water feels amazingly good against my skin, and with my eyes closed my hands slide slowly up my body, then one hand moves almost unconsciously between my legs. I'm not even sure how long I stay there, thinking of things, like how Nishikado said he thinks of me more than Kirsten. That's bullshit. Kirsten is perfect, she's the most gorgeous woman I've ever met, there's no way that even someone as stupid as him could miss that. How could he even fantasize that if the two of us were together we'd want anything to do with him? We'd ignore him, we'd kiss each other, I'd run my hands through her hair and pull her against me, feeling the warmth of her body against mine, I'd never want to let her go, the two of us connected forever, the end of everything... I shouldn't go to her house today. I'm not in the right frame of mind. I think it'll be safer not to see her until tomorrow.
The next morning when I see Kirsten in the cafeteria she looks concerned. "Nishikado's been talking about you all morning," she says. "Oh yeah?" I ask, not particularly interested. "He's trying to act like it's a secret, but he's still making sure that everybody hears." She pauses and furrows her brow, then says, "He said he saw you in the shower yesterday after school." My blood runs cold. "But that's not all. He also said that... he said you were masturbating," she almost whispers, making sure no one can hear her. My blood runs hot again, thumping through my temples. I'm going to fucking kill him. She peers at me for a moment, gauging my reaction, then asks, "Is that true?" I can't even speak, all I can do is stand there. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to fucking kill him.
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